Poetry

I like to write silly poetry. My poetry is usually inspired by some real life situation. Often times, it's some frustration that is (oddly) relieved by creating rhymes.  Although most of these poems are found in blog posts, I'm adding them here, too, to make them easier (for me, mostly) to find.  Although it might not seem like it, I work hard on my poems, so please do not use any part of them for any purpose without prior written consent (which I'll probably give you if email me)(unless it's because you want to use them as an example of how not to write poetry. If that's the case, don't email me.)

 

Dear Walmart

Oh Walmart, Walmart,

How I hate thee!!

You irritate, torment

And frustrate me.

Your people are mean.

Your parking stinks.

Customer service is bad.

That’s what everyone thinks.

Your “guests” are so snarly!

But it only seems fair,

Because nobody ever

Wants to go there.

By the time I get out,

I just want to cry.

I sit in my car, bang my head

And ask, “WHYYYYYYY!!!???”

No offense to nice, hardworking

Folks you employ.

I’m sure their mean coworkers

Give them no joy.

I wish I could find

A new place to shop

That has as much stuff

In one single stop.

But I’m giving you warning

That until I do

I’ll go on despising

And rhyming ‘bout you.

Fix it! I mean it!

Straighten up your act!

Because one day we might not

Ever come back.

originally posted here

Allergies:  A Public Service Announcement

Allergies, they make me sneeze
And sometimes cough, and often wheeze.
I do not like these allergies.
Will someone take them from me, please?

The perfume you wear, it really smells.
It makes my face start to swell,
My eyes to itch, my nose to run
My lips to tingle. It's not fun.

You may not mean to make me barf.
I do not mean to be too harsh.
Please leave the smelly stuff at home,
So allergies leave me alone.

originally posted on my FB page

A Poem On A Rainy Day

My pants are too tight.

My backside's too big.

My undies rode up,

But it's not nice to dig.

So I'll leave them in place,

Although it's not right.

They'd be where they should

If my pants weren't too tight.

apparently I never posted this gem here.

 


On Springing Forward

I don't want to Spring ahead.
As it is I'm walking dead
From tossing,
Turning every night.
Stealing time is JUST NOT RIGHT!

Springing forward?  Falling back?
Makes us cranky. That's a fact.
Just leave the time!
Just leave it be!
Springing forward's not for me!!

I like my sleep.  I need my time.
That's hour's not yours.
It's mine!
MINE!!
MINE!!!!

You can't take my hour away.
I will not spring on Saturday.
I will not make this change I hate.
Don't look for me
'Cause I'll be late.

originally posted here



Grand Theft

The cat lost her mind.

The cat took my phone.

She went through my wallet,

And then she left home.

The dog asked to borrow

The keys to the car.

He said, "See ya later!

We won't go very far."

It's crazy!  I know!

My pets ran away

With my car and phone.

Oh man!  What a day!

I yell to my pets,

"Come back! You can't drive!

You also can't talk!

Can I get change for a five?!!"

But now I am petless

And carless, to boot.

They've left me alone

And taken my loot.

You cannot trust mammals.

That's what I've heard.

Now I've seen it first hand.

And I'm getting a bird.

 

originally posted here

Teenagers



Teenager, teenager,

Smart as a whip

You can’t wait ‘til it’s time

For you to jump ship.

To take hold of your destiny;

Make your own way;

Be your own person;

Seize your own day.

But take it from me

Being grown up is hard.

It’s more than a valid

State ID card.

Along with your freedom

You pay bills and get bosses.

You get to pay taxes

And count stock market losses.

One day, you may have

a teenager, too.

And there’ll be no one dumber

Or more backward than you.

Then maybe you’ll come over

And give me a hug.

And tell me you’re grateful.

And I’ll try not to be smug.

For I once was also

A smarty pants teen

Who thought that my parents

Were nothing but mean.

Now I will stop,

So I don’t start to bug.

I need to go give

Your grandma a hug.

originally posted here

Facebook: A Poem

Haters gonna hate.
Scoffers gonna scoff.
Don't like what I say?
Feel free to hop off.

I will not be sorry
For speaking my mind
And telling my truth
On my own timeline

It's freedom of speech
And last time I looked
The amendment's still there
In that old dusty book.

I ignore lots of things
That get under my skin
That's why you can "Hide"
Then everyone wins.

You don't have to come
To my page and be rude.
You don't have to argue
Or catch a bad 'tude.

Just feel free to hide
Everything that I say
Then we can be "friends".
At least for today.

I don't think I ever posted this anywhere.

 

Lost

Where are my glasses?  I can't find my purse.
Just when it seems better, I realize it's worse.

My brain has these dark spots where light doesn't shine.
That's where stuff is hiding--the lost stuff of mine.

The name of that person. The quote I just found.
My paintbrush. My checkbook. That thingie that's round.

The most frustrating thing..I don't want to be rude...
But what gets me most is when I can't find my boob.

I should be more careful and put it away.
But I just want to throw it by the end of the day.

It's been in a basket and out in the car.
It doesn't have legs!  It can't have gone far!

Some women are late when they can't find their keys.
I appreciate that, but they got nothin' on me.

My issue is this--I can't leave my house
When a body part's absent that should be in my blouse.

originally posted here